In my dreams I am

Photo by Dapo Abideen

In my dreams my house is organized, and there is no extra crap around, we’ve purged it all, everything in these walls is useful or beautiful or both. The wall-to-wall-carpet is gone, and with it all the allergens.

In my dreams my daughter is not a pack rat. My husband does not make piles everywhere.

Someone magically sorts our mail and pays our bills.

A different genie keeps us stocked with ethically sourced food and cooks us nutritious, delicious meals, and cleans the dishes, and dries them, and puts them away, so that in the morning, I never come downstairs to a counter laden with pots, pans and other detritus from last night’s meal.

In my dreams the creative energy that courses through me sometimes, courses through me all of the time. I am well-rested and pain-free. I feel strong from Pilates and fresh air. In my dreams my favorite people live in my neighborhood and I can see them all the time, can curl up on their couches with a cup of tea, or sit on their porches, pet their dogs, laugh with them over the bullshit of the day.

But also they understand when I put up a “Gone Fishing” sign that means I’m gone fishing for peace, solitude; in other words, please don’t knock, and know that I will not be responding to your texts, because mama wants to be alone.

Mama wants quiet.

In my dreams I am primal. I am surrounded by nothing. I am big and I am also small.

In my dreams I am flying, in my dreams I do not use up energy feeling dread about the election, in my dreams Google Calendar is not the doorway to my life. In my dreams, other people plan fun outings and I just get to go on them.

In my dreams there is something delicious simmering on the stove.